11:11

i promised myself i was done with missing you. but every 11:11 moment unfailingly had me begging for you to come back.

60 seconds to mouth my silent, desperate prayer.

11:11:58
11:11:59
11:12:00

you were still gone.

p.s. you’ve long been purged from my thoughts, but thank you for leaving me with an 11:11 hope in my heart. 

//

hello. it’s been, what, more than half a year? idk man, it’s been a wild time. second year of school, and i’ve learnt so much more than i ever thought i could. my soul’s a tad bit tired, but all’s good, i guess! i do miss writing though. it’s been a while since i’ve been able to put my thoughts into words, and it feels good to be back.

likely, approximately no one even reads this anymore, but like.. yknow, tbh this is just a trash diary hahaha so whatever.

still, my visually picky ass likes everything to look nice, so. it might look like an actual blog, but actually, it’s more like my mind’s trash bin. if you’re here reading this, enjoy, i guess 🙂

i wasn’t looking

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i wasn’t looking for you when you came
i really didn’t think i’d feel the same
but like those songs stuck at the back of one’s mind
i found that i couldn’t quite leave you behind
you persisted yourself into my life, my heart
and i told myself, this wouldn’t fall apart
but in an instant, you were gone
i wondered if we were nothing but a con
now all i feel is lost and destitute
never ever had i felt pain so acute
i wasn’t looking when you up and went
leaving me with the mere memory of your scent
but now all i can do is wish and wonder
if only i could bury my feelings six feet under

these days

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i miss when my lips would twist up a wide smile, unbidden and unsuppressed, every time someone mentioned your name.

these days, my eyes drop and i’d wonder (i still wonder) what became of us.

i miss when i knew i could rely on you. you, my constant, my love.

these days, i’m thinking maybe it wasn’t as real for you as it was for me.

i miss when we wanted, no, craved each other’s company. and we made plans. and we cared.

these days, i think we might be avoiding each other.

i miss when we had no fear. when we belonged to each other and we weren’t afraid to show it.

these days, i’m wondering if it was just a dream. a figment of my imagination.

//

waow 4 months im a wreck :p

it’s been a really long time since i wrote anything and i’m pretty rusty, so bear with me but ohmy i miss this heheh.

sleepless

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i’m thinking maybe some day
we’ll meet again when we’re older
a little different, yet the same
and we’ll be right for each other
but for now, i’m a hurricane in your mind
and you’re poison to my soul

//

it’s been long, y’all.

here’s an update: as of end-april, i’ve been accepted into and will be spending the next 3 years of my life in design school. *grins*

those last few months of stressing over my future has officially ended, and i can’t express how utterly grateful i am for that. so worth it, tbh.

everything’s so new, so different, very hectic, and i’m loving every moment of it.

but i also don’t remember the last time i was this exhausted.

even as i’m now able to pursue one of my biggest passions, writing has to, regretfully, take a back seat. for now.

i’ll be back soon!! i promise.

but apart from vague lecturers, confusing (aRTSY) assignments, and eyebags, i’m doing well. i hope you are too 🙂

till next time x

{saigon}

so here’s my long over due travel post aaaaaall the way from last december in saigon, vietnam. enjoy :))

day one-

my brother had recently started gaining interest in photography (which is cool because i have someone to take nice, reliable photos of me ha) so both of us were really excited and SO READY to take like 18393275 pics on this trip, starting from the cliche plane window photography. this was my favorite. alas, it had to be the only one of 2 i took on snapchat, hence, the diminished quality.

our apartment was pretty cool. and really big. there was this super huge balcony where we actually wanted to take photos, but we didn’t have time because we didn’t spend a whole lot of time in the apartment sigh. i took this picture on one of the mornings (we woke up like really early so lighting was A+). waking up to this view every morning? i could get used to it.

there’s just something about being in another country that makes you notice streets a bit more, aye?

if there’s one thing i learnt from this trip, it’s that vietnam has the most rad night markets and that their imitation branded products are hella good and cheap.

what’s really cool is that there still are people walking around wearing these hats?? it makes everything seem so authentic, somehow.

 

day 2-

we didn’t do much photography on day 2 because we went to visit the cu chi tunnels (it was a whole day trip) and we thought we’d focus on being touristy without looking at everything through our cameras.

we visited a night market after we came back, despite how tired we were (because sleep is for the weak).

day 3-

on day 3, we we took an hour-long ferry to vung-tau island, also known as the home of the jesus christ statue.

the statue stood at the top of mount nho at 558 feet. it was a REALLY hot day, but the sights along the way made the climb worth it. the sky was really blue and A+ lighting made for bomb photos.

there were multiple resting spots like this up along the mountain. somehow, this particular spot reminded me a bit of narnia, though? *heart eyes*

i know i look hella pretentious here but i swear this was rEALLY candid.

there were a lot of bible-themed statues along the way up too. spot the jesus statue at the top!!

one of my fav views right here.

these angels adorned the foot of this long staircase that led to the actual jesus statue.

worth it, or nah?

we went down to the beach after we were done with our climb.

day 4-

we did a bit more shopping (and eating) before heading to the airport in the late afternoon.

overall, this was a really good trip, albeit a teeny bit rushed because i actually still had school that week. but vietnam, you were a pleasure. [ft. another cliche plane window picture eheh]

//

first travel post!! thoughts?

versions

i wonder if anyone talks about me
when i’m not around

maybe i’m that friend
who had a funny story to tell

maybe i’m that random stranger on the bus
reading their favorite book

maybe i’m that girl
who helped them with something

maybe, just maybe
i’m someone’s favorite person

do i linger in their memories
like a sweet aftertaste?

or am i forgettable
somebody they never noticed?

//

liiittle update: so i didn’t get into a few schools i wanted to, but i did get shortlisted to do an entrance test for another school !! except, it’s in 2 weeks and even though they have the syllabus for the exam on their website, i haven’t learnt like at least 3/4 of their science (i never took physics). major sighs.

it’s winter break next week though, so that’s cool. at least i’ll have a bit of a break from school. :))

thanks @anyone who’s ever taken the effort to encourage me in the comments on any of my posts. it means a lot :”)

anyways, hope you liked this!

and:

have a good day x

it’s 12am

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it’s 12am again, and you’re pouring your heart out to me. i’m drowning, drowning in your anguish-filled eyes and your sorrow. i’m trying to clamber back up, looking frantically for a ledge i can grasp to pull myself up. wishing with all my heart that i can help you, that you’ll let me help you. and then you’re trying to brush your pain away, laughing through your tears. telling me it doesn’t matter, that our friendship’ll end anyway and all you dare to hope is for me to take your secrets to my grave. you turn away again and start putting a wall between us, saying i’m just going to leave you, like everyone else did.

and then you stop.

with a little shake of your head like you’ve realized something, you hurriedly wipe your tears away.

“i’m fine.”

sometimes you then switch the topic so quickly i have to wonder if i’m talking to a whole different person.

other times you just up and leave. leaving me stranded and alone in the dust of your wake.

i see how you pretend all is well, but your facade’s cracking, my dear.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m here.

for you,

i’ll always be here.

//

ahhh school postings are this week yike. i’m a little scared, a little relieved it’s finally happening, and very, very nervous.

i guess i’m just praying really hard that i’ll get into a good school. if any.

ah well.

hope you liked this 🙂

have a great day y’all x

#7.

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truth be told, sometimes
i think i can’t resist
putting my heart in danger’s way
if only for the poetry it’ll spawn
that i love so much
the kind of poetry
that’s only revealed
when one is touched
with the deepest anguish

//

IT’S BEEN SO LONG OHMY. i really wanted to post an update a few weeks back but christmas break was honestly what felt like the busiest 2 weeks of my life. and then school started last week, and i’m already drowning in work. also, i’m planning to transfer schools like next month, so there’s the issue of applications and all SIGH.

i honestly don’t know how i’m still sane.

oh well.

if you’re still here, thanks for staying 🙂

also, i hope you liked this!! i have a few other things i want to post, but they’re still unedited. but i think i could get them up soon so stay tuned!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY x

there’s a vacancy

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“hell is empty, all the devils are here.”
—william shakespeare (tempest)

there’s a vacancy in me
an empty slot in a puzzle
i’ve tried filling it in
with what i mistook as love
but somehow it always ran out

there’s a hole in me
made of shadows and bitterness
it’s gnawing at my existence
sometimes i catch a glimpse of
a universe where all was right

this is not that universe.

there’s an emptiness in me
begging to grow, and grow, and grow
and once i’m all eaten up inside
i’ll be a husk of a living being
numb, unfeeling, cold

will you still love me enough to save me then?

//

i really like this one. i hope you do too.

so. i went for a short trip to vietnam over last weekend till yesterday. i’m thinking i might do a post on that, together with the numerous photos my fam and i took (we took A LOT).

idk when i’ll get to write and post it though, because it’s almost christmas (YEEEES) aka the busiest time of the year for me and everybody else.

also!! it’ll mean a lot to me if you’d check out my profile on mytrendingstories.com !!

thanks, y’all:)

HAVE A GREAT DAY x

#6.

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she wore the sun in her smile
and the stars on her skin
they wove galaxies on her skin
so delicate, so beautiful
i think she must have more
stardust in her
than most of us do

//

THANKFUL FOR:

THANKSGIVING BREAK. NEXT WEEK.

CHRISTMAS. SOON.

xo